


Monster

by Illogical1



Series: Skillet Songfics [3]
Category: Captain America
Genre: Gen, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 10:13:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11553051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Illogical1/pseuds/Illogical1
Summary: What does one feel like after being forced to do horrible things for decades? The answer, according to Bucky Barnes is, a monster.





	Monster

**Author's Note:**

> Third in my Skillet Songfics series. I honestly don't know if I'll write another one for this series, but I'm open to suggestions!   
> This one is based on the Skillet song "Monster". (Ignoring Civil War).

Monster

_“The secret side of me, I never let you see. I keep it caged, but I can’t control it. So stay away from me, the beast is ugly. I feel the rage and I just can’t hold it.”_

It was the three year anniversary of Bucky’s imprisonment. He’d long since given up on the hope of rescue. Steve was dead, the war was over, and everyone thought HYDRA was gone. Nobody was coming for him. This fact did not stop Bucky’s violent screams; pleas for help, insults, his name. If he was destined to die here, then he would be as irritating as possible. If he couldn’t sleep peacefully, why should they?

Two weeks ago, the Nazis gave him a ‘present’; a horrible metal arm with a bright red communist star grafted into his shoulder, completely replacing the stump of his left arm. The surgery left a web of horrendous scars that broke and bled every time he moved his shoulder.

Bucky realized after the surgery that if they gave him the arm, he was probably still useful to them. He wasn’t finished yet. Bucky dragged himself to the darkest corner of his cell, grit his teeth and pressed his human hand against his bleeding shoulder and thought of ways to escape this Nazi infested pit.

_“It’s scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls. It comes awake and I can’t control it. Hiding under the bed, in my body in my head. Why won’t somebody save me from this, make it end?”_

They had blindfolded him and dragged him into a large room. Bucky sat on his knees quietly until he heard the scuffle of another person being dragged in.

“Sergeant, if you swear your loyalty to HYDRA and prove yourself with this small job, you will be greatly rewarded. If you do not, life will become immensely worse for you.” A heavily accented voice said while pressing a gun to his hand at the same time.

Bucky screamed. They wanted him to kill the other prisoner! Bucky tried to fight, screamed no in as many languages as he knew. Eventually the blindfold was torn off and he could see his enemy. He could also see the prisoner, an aging man in a suit. Bucky struggled harder, more determined to get both himself and the man out. He unfortunately didn’t notice the guard behind him until it was too late. He felt the faint pin-prick of a needle before collapsing to the ground.

The last thing he saw before blacking out was the other prisoner, shot at least four times.

_“I feel it deep within, it’s just beneath the skin, I must confess that I feel like a monster. I hate what I’ve become, the nightmare’s just begun.”_

He awoke to a bright room. Where was he? Who was he? He searched his memories, trying to find something, anything prior to this moment, but he could not. All he knew was the bright sterile room. There were doctors and other scientists hovering around him. A short, plump man with a piggy face approached.

“What is your name?”

“I don’t know.” He tried to remember, but there was nothing but static in his brain.

“Where do you come from?” Tears welled up in his eyes. Those were basic questions! He should know this!

“I don’t know.”

The short, pudgy man grinned. “Perfect.”

_“I, I feel like a monster. I, I feel like a monster.”_

The Asset was stretched across a rooftop, lying on his belly waiting. He had been up there for hours, waiting for the Target to appear. Waiting to complete the Mission, return to base and back to cryofreeze. His shoulders and back ached and he desperately needed to relieve himself. But those were human needs, and his handlers were very insistent that the Asset was not human. So he waited. He continued waiting until, hours later, his Target came into range, and again he waited until he could be extracted. After the debriefing and Mission Report, the Asset returned to cryofreeze to await his next order.

_“It’s hiding in the dark, his teeth are razor sharp. There’s no escape for me, it wants my soul, it wants my heart. No one can hear me scream; maybe it’s just a dream. Maybe it’s inside of me, stop this monster!”_

The Asset stood across a bridge from his latest Target. His orders were to stop the Target’s Mission; save the helicarriers. Save HYDRA. The Asset always accomplished the Mission. The Target would die.

The Target seemed reluctant at first, but once the battle began, it was brutal. The Asset realized he could predict every move the Target made, before he made it. Everything in him was screaming in protest, that this man should not be the Target, but the Asset had orders and emotions were for humans. The Asset was anything but human. It wasn’t until the Target was beneath him, battered and bruised, whispering a long-forgotten promise when the Asset finally snapped. He remembered this man. This Target wasn’t allowed to die.

_“I feel it deep within, it’s just beneath the skin. I must confess that I feel like a monster. I hate what I’ve become, the nightmare’s just begun. I must confess that I feel like a monster.”_

Bucky’s been free of HYDRA’s clutches for almost two years now, and he still has some ugly days. Days where months of recovery are forgotten and Bucky’s reduced to a trembling mess under a pile of blankets on Steve’s bed.Some days his control is so thin that he has to lock himself in the bathroom to keep from trying to finish the Asset’s Mission.

Steve does his best to help, but how do you help a soul that’s been tortured for seventy years? Bucky’s struggling, but he’s getting better. His progress is so slow; it’s almost invisible to see. But he knows his name, and has no desire to kill anyone. That’s progress right? He still prefers protein shakes to real food and sleeps in a freezing cold room by choice. Tony once offered to make the arm look more ‘human’ but Bucky refused.

He may be recovering, but the one thing he’d never be again was human.

_“I, I feel like a monster.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you! Please leave me a comment and tell me how you like it!


End file.
